How Do You Socialise Your Children?

It logically follows that as one’s children approach school age, people begin to ask questions about your choice of school. Our oldest, Eddie, is entering his prep year and as such, the questions have been coming with increased frequency. I always find their reaction to our response rather uncomfortable. For some reason, our decision to homeschool puts us on dubious ground in their eyes.

The first reaction is always about “socialisation” and the concern that our children will be unable to cope with life in modern society because of our “cutting them off” from the outside world. “They need to interact with kids their own age in order to be socialised.” Collins English Dictionary defines socialisation as: 1. the modification from infancy of an individual's behaviour to conform with the demands of social life; and 2. the act of socialising or the state of being socialised. The first definition is interesting in that it implies a guiding hand from an older person from the outset. The school system is the only place where a child exclusively interacts with peers their own age. Higher education and the workplace have a mix of ages of the participants from same age and younger to significantly older. Are we to believe that children interacting only with others of their own age and maturity level prepares them fully to deal with the range of ages of people in the outside world? Socialisation is not age level dependent. The best way for a child to learn to talk to adults is for the child to interact with adults. The best way for a child to learn to interact with other children is to put them in that setting with other children, older, younger, and same age. It’s the act of socialising not pigeon-holing that is the key.

Research is now beginning to comprehensively disprove the myth that homeschooled kids are not adequately socialised. Although the body of research is to date small, the early results are giving substantial support to that which so many homeschooling parents already know is true but could only argue anecdotally. The Canadian study entitled “Fifteen Years Later: Home Educated Canadian Adults” (van Pelt, Allison, & Allison: 2009) followed up home-schooled students whose parents participated in a comprehensive study on home education in 1994. The study compared home-schoolers who are now adults with their peers. The study found:

• Young adults who had been home educated had a higher academic education than similarly aged Canadians, particularly with respect to post-secondary education, where greater proportions of home education graduates had attained Bachelors’ and graduate degrees.
• Home-educated adults were more likely to be engaged in health sector or social support occupations, such as education or religion, and more likely to be occupied in trades or performing arts than were the general population. They were less likely to be engaged in sales, or in processing and manufacturing.
• The majority (74%) reported attending religious services at least once a week, compared with 13% of the population. Religious observance in the home was even more frequent with 84% participating in religious activities at home at least once a week.
• The majority of respondents (69%) participated in organised activities at least once a week, compared with 48% of the comparable population. Home education graduates were most frequently (82%) involved in religiously-related groups, compared with only 13% of young Canadian adults in general. They were also more active in sports-related groups (48% compared with 36%). They were more active in cultural groups, educational groups, and political parties, but somewhat less active in unions or professional associations. They were also twice as likely to have voted in a federal election, and much more likely to have voted in a provincial election.
• Income for the past year ranged from nothing to $160,000, with a median of $20,000 and a mean of $27,534. In comparison, 15- to 34-year-olds in the general population reported a median income of $18,335 and a mean of $22,117.
• The home-educated adults were more likely to be married than was the comparable population of the same age. They were less likely to have children early, but tended to have larger than average families when they did have children.

The Canadian Survey of Giving, Volunteering, and Participating 2004 also reveals that their small sample of young adults surveyed showed that those who were home educated volunteer at significantly higher rates (82% vs 54%) than those educated in public school. 46% of these were in leadership positions.

Clearly, homeschooled children are turning out to be well balanced individuals who are making a significant contribution to society across a broad field of endeavour. To me it makes perfect sense that this would happen. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” It is the role of the parent to socialise the child, not the role of same aged peers or teachers. Humans are the only creatures who turn their offspring over to others to prepare them for life in the wild. By controlling and mixing their interaction with others, a parent sets the child up for life.

The decision we have made to homeschool was not arrived at lightly. We have challenges to overcome for sure, but we made our decision with the best interests of our children at the forefront. There are factors at play that are unique to our circumstances so I am not being as arrogant to say that our way is the only way. If you think public school is the way to go for you, then I am not going to try to talk you out of it. I would hope that you would extend to us homeschooling types the same courtesy.