Some years ago during my education, a paragon of enlightenment in an attempt to have me contribute more to class discussion told me that there was no such thing as a bad idea, just a poorly executed one. In the moments afterward as the teacher let that enormity of wisdom sink into my skull, I processed the words of this oracle and had thoughts to myself of the byproducts of the gastrointestinal system of the male bovine animal. If ever I needed proof of both a bad idea and a poorly executed one, it was given to me this week by, of all people, the President of Malawi.
Forget about multiple cyclones bearing down on the Queensland coast, and put the uprising in Egypt out of your mind because the years’ most earth shattering news came out of Africa with Malawian President Bingu wa Mutharika declaring that farting would be made a crime. Naturally and most deservedly, he became the subject of ridicule all over the world. Like most people, I figured that if I was subject to a law like that, I would be on first name terms with the magistrate very rapidly.
It was not only internationally that the President was ridiculed. His own citizens questioned the workability of a law where the burden of proof would be so difficult to carry. After all, the evidence disperses after a short period and there is not always a sound to enable a finger to be pointed in the direction of. Often all that remains is a skidmark on the undies and the benefit of the doubt goes to the person who had an itch in that department.
Can you imagine the court system and the volume of cases this would generate? Mind you, each trial would be very short. The defense lawyer would address the judge by saying, "M'lud, my client is innocent of the charge. Bring his accuser before the court. It is a long standing legal principle that 'He who smelt it, dealt it'." The prosecution leaps to his feet and cries, "Objection! He who denied it supplied it, M’lud! I rest my case." The judge would then say “Guilty as charged! Fined the same amount as yesterday!” after which the defendant would say “Righto. Same time tomorrow?”
Seriously though. Is this effort by President Mutharika a case of too much sun or is he laying the foundation for something bigger, like a descent into despotism? Is this an attempt by the government of Malawi to exercise control over the individual on a very personal level and the beginning of things to come? Whilst despots and dictators are not an uncommon thing in Africa, Malawi appears to be in pretty good shape constitutionally after reforms in the 1990’s saw their self-declared “president for life” Dr Banda shown the door. Elections for the parliament and president are held regularly, with the current president emerging victorious with a solid majority. That said, there is a long memory on the part of millions of Malawians who lived under the oppressive Dr Banda and a great deal of suspicion about whether the current incumbent is setting himself to override the will of the people.
In announcing the Local Courts Bill, which contains the anti-farting law, it was said that the reason behind the statute was to "mould responsible and disciplined citizens". In and of itself, moulding responsible and disciplined citizens is a noble ideal that sets a course to build a strong society for future generations of Malawians. Like many African nations, Malawi has internal challenges including corruption, the HIV/AIDS epidemic, limited natural resources, and significant poverty (Malawi is the fourth poorest nation in the world). By attempting to address issues of personal conduct, some of the challenges that face Malawi such as corruption and HIV will be reduced and those resources diverted to the bigger problems of building the economy and national infrastructure.
The Local Courts Bill seeks to establish a local court system with powers to handle civil cases under the penal code and limited criminal cases including importation of prohibited publications, publication of false news, fighting in public, insulting the modesty of a woman, common nuisance, idle and disorderly persons, conduct likely to cause breach of peace, use of insulting language, common assault and, of course, farting in public. Whilst there is a lot of opposition to the bill due to concerns over government interference and impartiality, I cannot fault the apparent desire by the President to see a more moral society. The Ten Commandments similarly addressed the personal conduct of the Israelites and this underpinned the establishment of the nation of Israel. Such was its success, that it has been replicated many times throughout the world down through history. Maybe the President needed to start here as well.
It is obvious that President Mutharika needs to rethink some of the practical implications of his bill and address the concerns of the people on the street, especially those who had cabbage and beans for lunch. Banning farting is a bad idea and a poorly executed one. And while we might laugh and poke fun at the flag of Malawi in the context of this story as well as his rather dodgy proposal, perhaps we should not talk too loudly. This little gem can be found in Section 245 of the Queensland Criminal Code…
(1) A person who strikes, touches, or moves, or otherwise applies force of any kind to, the person of another, either directly or indirectly, without the other person's consent, or with the other person's consent if the consent is obtained by fraud, or who by any bodily act or gesture attempts or threatens to apply force of any kind to the person of another without the other person's consent, under such circumstances that the person making the attempt or threat has actually or apparently a present ability to effect the person's purpose, is said to assault that other person, and the act is called an assault.
(2) In this section-- applies force includes the case of applying heat, light, electrical force, gas, odour, or any other substance or thing whatever if applied in such a degree as to cause injury or personal discomfort.
Yep. Pulling one’s finger can land you in the clink in Queensland. In case those of you who know me well are thinking that this might slow me down a bit, think again. Getting locked up for farting might be just the touching human interest story that the chequebook journalists at A Current Affair and Today Tonight are looking for!
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